Listening and vulnerability

listening-and-vulnerability
Recently I got a chance to talk with Jeff Klubeck, a motivational speaker and coach. In preparing for the interview, I formed a handful of questions to explore the idea of authenticity in the workplace. I was eager to hear his ideas.

It was a casual and inspired conversation. I was sitting on my exceptionally comfortable couch at home and apparently Jeff was relaxing in his backyard enjoying some sun. Here are some ideas that turned up during our talk:

What does it mean to build an authentic brand?

Who the hell knows what’s authentic? Everyone has their own definition. Who’s to judge if you’re being yourself or not? There’s no grading scale. My goal is to make things easy for clients and reduce friction in the process of achieving their goals. I call it “Klubrication” because it is “catchy” and “edgy” and attention gaining…yet silly, fun, and playful. Does that make me “authentic” because I am not afraid of the criticism that might come with using a potential sexual reference in my marketing communication? It is unprofessional? Is that the price to pay for being authentic? Whose to say? The way I build my brand can be silly and hooky and I do it because it feels right for me. I make it fun…for me…and I believe very strongly that means I am authentic. I want to make the most money I can…help the most people I can…lead the most thoughts I can…teach the most classes/students I can…breath the most breaths I can…being myself. So to build an authentic brand, I’d say, is to make a promise to the marketplace that it will benefit from paying you to be yourself! Promise the market that if it pays you to be yourself, it will receive a value they’ll perceive to be greater than what they are paying…and they will repeat paying…and they will refer others to pay…you to be yourself!

What’s the greatest source of miscommunication or disconnect in teams?

There are many potential barriers, but one in particular is in-congruency in how Leaders communicate and act on organizational values. The root cause is that people don’t trust their organizations enough to “let go” of auto-biographical perspectives born out of a need to protect or advance one’s career. It’s organizational “fight-or-flight” response…instead of physical danger, “professional danger” is the trigger. So people mis-interpret co-workers behavior to be threatening as a survival instinct…it takes great self-esteem, trust, engagement in the job/company or great naïveté to naturally resist or avoid professional “ego-defense.”

It’s the true willingness to be vulnerable and face the unknown knowing that you might get hurt.

What’s the greatest leadership ability that strengthens confidence and connectedness in a team?

It think about this a lot. It’s listening, love, paying attention, observing. Openness and listening vs. fight or flight response. It’s the true willingness to be vulnerable and face the unknown knowing that you might get hurt. Love is leadership but we’re probably not ready to talk about leadership in that way yet.

Sounds like there’s a shortage of love in the workplace, what leads to this?

Modern day fight or flight response or ego-defense prevents the love. People are pre-occupied with thoughts like: I need to climb the ladder, keep up with the Jones’, what would they think of me, etc. Our emotions are constantly under pressure in the eyes of others so we’re often operating on the lower level of Maslow hierarchy of needs.

What helps people bring their true character to work? I’d assume, love?

Yeah, love and communication. The true willingness to be vulnerable and allow mistakes to inspire growth. What if Leadership said, “The culture is to be vulnerable, so I’m going to share my weaknesses and mistakes and allow myself and others to build on them.” Of course, there are some industries, companies, positions (machinery, equipment, etc.) where mistakes are not tolerated or a matter of life and death. Those aside, focusing solely on Organizational Leadership, what if traditions like ‘cover your ass” “pass the buck” “shit always rolls downhill” “deny everything” and so many other “non-vulnerable” mindsets and behavior were replaced with their opposites? What if the mantra’s were: Open your arms…share the wealth…accountability starts at the top…we take responsibility for everything…and learn from all mistakes!?

True Leaders learn and grow from mistakes because we take risks we believe lead to greatness. So, yes, Love would help people bring their true character to work. But in non-loving culture’s people’s true character is lost in the politics and career management gamesmanship. People are literally rewarded for lying or keeping quiet on the topics of engagement, love of company, belief in leadership, and passion for the work.

The only reason a person decides to follow instead of lead is because they are not willing to be vulnerable.

Sounds like there is a need to foster a culture of vulnerability?

Bingo, listening and vulnerability.

The only reason a person decides to follow instead of lead is because they are not willing to be vulnerable. It’s having the courage to know you might get hurt and going anyway. There is a difference between fearlessness and courage. Fearlessness can be driven by arrogance or ignorance whereas courage is inspired and driven by a desire so strong that it trumps the inherent risks.

As Marshall Goldsmith teaches in “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There”, Leaders need to say thank you and sorry. I wonder if new talk in the area of leadership can include love and the notion that leaders embrace risk and vulnerability so that the followers can grow…not mistaking drive and ambition for true, heart-based (truly loving) leadership.

If you were to meet the very top leaders of the world, what would you ask them? What would you talk about if you were all in the same room?

I’d be curious about the things they are doing…specifically, the ways in which they are courageously and knowingly vulnerable so they’re followers (customers and employees) can grow. Looking at their day to day decisions, I’d want to know the ratio between those that satisfy shareholders and those that service their employees/customers. I’d look for the balance or conflicts of interest between customers, employees and financial stakeholders.

What the favorite question you like to ask clients?

[half-jokingly] “Of the last 1000 times that you have had to go #2, what percentage did you get to a bathroom on time? This is something I ask when I have permission to hold clients accountable to their word/commitments. Nobody wants shit in their pants, so they find a way to get to the bathroom on time. If we got shit in our pants every time we broke our word with ourselves and others, this world would have a lot more integrity!
Seriously, though, I want to know how clients believe THEY need to change. I’ll ask, “what are the three most important things about your life that MUST be different than they are today?” If we get honest answers to that, then we can build goal setting, transformation, strategy, accountability (and so forth) on top. Without knowing if/how our clients want to change, we can build nothing.

Learn more about Jeff Klubeck