She shouted, “what are you writing?! Are you judging me?”
These are Ree’s words as I’m interviewing her for my research on intimacy. Ree is my girlfriend, 6 years now, but the interview isn’t about our intimacy, instead, I’m looking at the relationship with her best friends.
Whenever Ree says “I’m going to see my girls,” there’s a private happiness behind it, makes me curious. I’ve been intrigued with the topic of intimacy for a long time because it seems to be at the heart of the human story; It’s been at the heart of my life story at least, especially intimacy with self (and I don’t only mean masturbation). Intimacy with others shows up with those we call homies, people who you feel at home with, who listen and give their unconditional support.
This authentic connection with others is a source of healing and stability and can bring a person closer to their own true self.
It is unfortunate when homies don’t show up in a child’s home. Sometimes parents don’t treat their kids as their homies for various reasons. So our homies show up at school, work, and in places of leizure.
Ree met her two best friends in high school and they all work together to this day. The question I’m asking is what’s present during her “girls time” (or homie time) that makes it so special to her?
She says, “I can share everything in my heart and they just listen, no judgment. We have soft eye contact and they are super present. All of the frustration in my heart can open up and be released. They just listen and tell jokes and make me laugh to show that it’s not a big deal. It’s not a problem. It feels safe. They show their warm-heartedness and you feel like you’re being remembered because they show that you’re in their heart all the time.”
Ree shares that in high school she had a bit of an arrogant attitude and her friend noticed it. So years later during dinner, Ree asked her, “How did you stand it seeing me like that?” While listening to Ree’s story I wrote down this question and then she shouts at me, “what are you writing?! Are you judging me?” I laughed and told her I’m just taking notes and asked her to continue. To the question of “how did you stand me?” Her friend casually replied, “because we’re friends, I love you.”