Love is full attention, with humility, in the here and now. How fully do we show up in our relationships, at work or with friends and family? How much of it is easier to avoid or tune out?
The richness of our intimate lives is dependent on how much empathy we can hold alongside awkwardness and uncertainty. Certainty kills intimacy.
It’s the capacity to listen and welcome an honest inquiry that transforms us.
In conflict situations, when feelings are fully felt and acknowledged without judgment or bitterness, dialogue has a chance to move everyone forward.
It’s that heart-to-heart that nourishes us.
Recently I asked my girlfriend, “what has been most eye-opening about our relationship for you?” She said, “our break-ups.” They were the hardest parts over the past 7 years but they also taught us most about ourselves.
Relationships possess a rich source of spiritual nourishment when heads and hearts are aligned. This is a rare gem in a world where scattered attention is all too common.
Eastern and wester work cultures differ in many ways but one thing they share is the culture of “do and tell” rather than listen and ask. When tell and give advice is the only way to relate to people we miss out on the relational goodness and situational realities that impact our work.
I love the example of Eileen Fisher, who leads her company with an “I don’t know” mentality. Using the wisdom of uncertainty, she is able to listen and ask questions, allowing people to speak up, be open about their mistakes and learnings, and contribute their expertise.
So what if we fully show up with the wisdom of uncertainty but the other person doesn’t have the capacity for heart-to-heart and they ghost you on some level?
The helpful response is not to leap to judgment or internalize a sour story, but to respect their spiritual process and free your own mind. and from this space inside one can hear when empathy says, “you’re not alone.”